Well-traveled. Pattern. Major life events which happen frequently. Scenarios that play on repeat. Occurring again. And Again. And AGAIN. All terms that seem to flow right into phrases like:

“Well, it’s become your norm.”

“She’s a pro by now!”

“They are used to it.”

“So, what’s new?” (insert eye roll)

Responses from those on the outside. Let’s be more specific – those travelling a much easier road. One well-paved. On cruise control at high speeds. With few bumps in the road and only experiencing minor fender benders along the way. Those fortunate individuals who have been protected from this heartache. From watching their child suffer repeatedly. Calous thoughts from those who would be totally blindsided themselves – wind knocked out of them if this trauma rammed into the door panel and veered them off their current road. Even once…. Their breath stolen from the hard impact. And here’s the secret. MINE IS TOO. Gasping as i fight to Breathe. EACH and EVERY time. When i don’t know if my child will live to see another day. The pain never gets easier to bear.

i have news for you, friend. Familiarity certainly does not lesson the impact; a common misconception by those outside of the chaos. While our skin may thicken. Processes put in place. Systems and skills developed. Character built. The pain of it all is not only felt deeply each time. But it wears on our soul. Tires out a parent’s heart – especially when traveling alone… And while the ones we are traveling for, are certainly worth it all – it wears down to a deep level. Physically. Emotionally. Even Spiritually – if we are not careful.

This well-traveled road is rough for those of us who would love to be on a different path. For our child to be made well. The ruts are deep. Each pothole is painfully felt within the deep wounds. Dirt inhaled each time it gets stirred. So, when a head-on collision once again totals us out, don’t think for a minute it isn’t felt. For we haven’t even had time to finish healing from the last impact…

This, dear friends – viewers from the highway – is your gentle reminder. Advise from one on the inside. Of the trauma. Of the heartbreaking pain. Insight from one traveling the rutted path. This is your reminder to follow up with your friend – repeatedly – once they have made the prayer request known. After they have let a well-constructed wall down and vulnerably asked to petition our Creator on behalf of their child. For their family. For in the ask, your friend is taking a risk. A risk of feeling dismissed. Pain not seen. Not cared for or loved. Fear of being met with apathy – a deep wound added. And a risk she may never take again. For barricades can be quickly assembled to protect one’s heart where the margins are already narrow.

Ask how SHE is doing – your friend whose heart is ripped out each time. Raw and exposed. Overwhelmed. And then DO something. Anything. A blanket “let me know what I can do to help” – actually isn’t helpful at all. Because honestly, she doesn’t even know how to answer that in the midst of the chaos. Of the pain. Of trying desperately to regain control of the steering wheel while life spins out of control. Yet again.

Instead, try asking what day works best for you to drop off a meal at the hospital. Or once they return home. Or in-between endless therapy visits. Ask what child needs to be chauffeured. What errands you can run. What day you can come mow the grass. What favorite drink you can drop off at the front door. For in doing so, she will feel loved. Seen. Cared for. Her heart – protected. Her soul – renewed. Even when her response is – “please just pray”.

Traveling this road takes a toll. So having a few travel it with us – is vital. To our well-being. Those friends who are steadfast. Long-suffering. There with us through every impact. We are keenly aware, these priceless individuals are few and far between. And we cherish each one.

My encouragement today, for those who have a friend traveling the rutted road. Become one of the few. To love your friend well. To be there for them – for the long haul. For by doing so, you will become the hands and feet of Jesus. One of the rare few who can be trusted with our hearts.

If you didn’t see it before, i hope you clearly see it now. We are in this together.

Much Love,

TyiaLynn, Executive Director of Critically Loved