For the moms of special needs children who always have it together, who never cry at inappropriate times or lose their patience, you can stop reading now, because this is not for you.

This, however, is for all of the super moms of extraordinary children who lose it from time to time. Who break down in waiting rooms while their child is in testing. Who quickly dries tears in the carpool line as their child is climbing in the car. This is for moms who live on the verge of a breakdown most of the time and sometimes teeter just over the edge. 

Can anyone else relate?  If you are still reading this, then i will take that as an enthusiastic, hand held high, “yes!!”

As moms of special needs children, it’s no secret we live at a higher stress level than those with typical children. In addition to the normal stressors and busyness of life, we have added 3 hour specialist appointments, endless therapies, surgeries, hospitalizations, fighting denied health insurance claims, additional time off work, IEP’s, and 504 plans. We have hours spent doing research to learn the best treatment options for our child; then have sleepless nights trying to figure out how we are going to actually pay for them…  Not to mention mourning the loss of plans we had for our child and the daily living of meeting our child’s needs.

If we have been at this for a while, the reaction to our overwhelming lives can turn empathetic from those around us.  There seems to be a shift over time in their perception of reality; loved ones start assuming we have adjusted to this new norm and are used to the stress by now. People take note of the strength we exhibit that seems to require no assistance. And if we are being honest, we can start to believe it ourselves, so we wear the self-sufficient badge. Proudly. 

However, this tough facade we portrait that masquerades as strength will eventually be found out. Much to our dismay, it will crumble beneath the weight.  It will come out in tears. In anger. It will spew all over the poor soul that sets the last straw on the proverbial camel’s back. 

Is this where you are, mom? Did you join me here this week? Did you have a breakdown that left you incapacitated and unable to function? 

From my bed, peering through tears, i asked the question, “How did i let it get to this point?” i mean, i am the one who wrote two curriculums that include this topic, teach a class to special needs parents, and preach endlessly to parents i work with about self-care.  So how could i miss the warning signs?  Why am i also in this place?

So here’s the insightful, prayed through, well thought out answer you all have been waiting for. Drum roll please…

Sometimes, there is just no way around a breakdown.  And maybe, thankfully so.

Not the insight and wisdom you were hoping for?  i’m right there with you – i was hoping for a five step program that would avoid this feeling all together for the rest of my life. The reality is, this life of special needs parenting is just too much to bear on our own.  We, as human beings, are just not strong enough to endure the weight. There will be times, tears are necessary; swallowing pride and asking friends to pray for you will be needed, and time to recover will not be just an option.

Here’s the good news; you don’t have to stay in that place.  In fact, the simple fact you are a special needs mom will not allow you to stay there because your child needs you. They need you to get back up and fight for their life – the best possible life they can have.

Momma, you take the time you need to regroup.  Clear your schedule for the day (or three if you need it).  Let the release tears bring, flow the stress out of your overwhelmed heart. Feel like running?  Run into the comforting, loving arms of our Creator.  Let trusted friends pray for you.  Let down your walls, share your heart when you are ready.

Here’s me letting my walls down with you mommas; i didn’t emerge from this breakdown immediately or on my own. i spent three days unplugged, one of which was spent all day in bed with eyes spilling out the overwhelmingness.  i let a few close friends know my reality and asked them to pray for me.  It was my friend, Megan, who reminded me to run, but only to Jesus. It was my friend, Marcia, who helped me get to the root of my fears. It was my therapist, Rhonda, who helped me reprioritize my work life balance.  It was my amazing husband who continued loving me even when i overreacted to situations.  If i had tried to do this on my own, i would not be healed and ready to jump back into life so quickly.

So how do i avoid getting back to this place in the near future?  Well, for one, i’m going to listen to my body better.  Several months ago, i started telling friends, “i really need a day to myself to lay in bed and just watch movies.”  i should have taken my own advice and followed through the first time i heard it come out of my mouth.  i also will pace myself at work and listen to God’s leading. Most importantly, i will ask friends to hold me accountable to make sure i am only finding my source of strength from our Creator.  i cannot do this in my own strength – i have proven that time and time again.  i must continually be in His Presence and rely completely on who i am in Him.   However, should i start trying to do things in my own strength and not heed the warning signs, then i will end up back in this place.  i will then accept the scandalous grace God offers, take time to cry it out, run to Jesus, reprioritize and start again. 

You see, a breakdown can lead to tremendous breakthrough.  It can be a new beginning and fresh perspective if we allow it to.  It can be a time to regroup and refocus on what is important.  It will draw us closer to relationships when we allow people to walk alongside us through the process.  It can also be a faith building, soul renewing, precious time with our Creator when we run to Him.

If you didn’t believe it before, i hope you clearly see now; we truly are in this together.

Much Love,

TyiaLynn