This phrase, spoken by a wise momma figure in my life, has permeated my mind the past 15 years. She really helped me to see and value friendships.  How to support my friends, even when their struggle doesn’t hold any weight in comparison to the battle I wage daily. She helped me see the scale more balanced, from our Creator’s perspective. This wise soul shifted my perspective towards my friends with typical children and how I love them.  Pray for them.  Listen.

Are you struggling with jealousy of your friend whose children only visit the doctor once or twice a year? Who doesn’t have to fit 16 therapy sessions into their already overbooked schedule every month. Who hasn’t feared if their child will remain alive today.  Who hasn’t raced their child to the ER to save her life 7 times in the past 18 months alone. Who doesn’t have to watch their child suffer.  Every Day.  This friend, who certainly would not bring her meaningless trials to you if she truly understood the trauma in your life. Do you feel a fire start simmering in your belly when she shares a struggle she’s going through?  Anger that may boil over and spill out on the poor soul who tries to see the scale as balanced.  The same.  To be compared.  Because, let’s be honest, we would LOVE to have that level of frustration and angst in our life – so much less than what we endure on the daily…. And friend, let’s be real.  Our scales are certainly NOT balanced.

That’s real.  That’s honest.  but that’s also worldly.  Of the flesh.  It’s our perspective and not one we are called to live by.  Let’s tip the scale for a moment, in favor of our friend.  Because that’s what we are called to do as Christians.  To Love.  Show compassion.  See your friend as Jesus sees her.  As a priceless child who is worthy.  Of your friendship. Of being heard. Prayed for and seen. 

What completely rocks your friend’s world, you see as another day. An inconvenience.  So how can we shift our level of compassion and tend to the heart of our friend while her ground is being shaken?  How can we lean in to see her pain – without considering the vast difference in weight of our own?

Let’s start with the character and strength that has taken years to be built in you. That endurance you have acquired just to make it to the end of this day. As a result of your child’s condition.  The years of repeated traumatic events.…. Your precious friend simply has not had the opportunity to have this same level of perseverance built.  Character tested. Strength now obtained to endure.  So, our beginning point of compassion must come from thinking back to before the diagnosis, maybe before this child of yours was born.  Imagine how this event would have affected you back then.  Would you be any less worthy of compassion, simply because you hadn’t been refined by fire yet?  Well sister, neither is your friend.  She is valued by our Creator.  Treasured.  Loved.  Seen.  Just as you are now.  And were then.

So let us work together in this, to approach our friendships with much grace.  Not comparing or checking the weight to see where the balance lies.  Love your friends right where they are. For pain is not a competition and friendships are worth the effort.  To lay down our anger at the feet of Jesus so we can look past our jealousy of their easy life. Past their lack of understanding.  Past our struggle and to treasure them for what they are. Priceless Treasures that we are fortunate to have in our life.

If you didn’t see it before, I hope you clearly see now, we are in this together.

Much Love, TyiaLynn