REALITY. You want to see a glimpse of real life instead of only the highlight reels i can be guilty of portraying? Well, THIS. IS. IT.  This was the toddler who stole my heart at our first meeting.  The one i petitioned our Creator for.  This child is the one i chose to be mine.  Yet years later, here we are, trudging through the muddy waters of trauma induced responses, sensory overloads due to severe neglect as an infant. Just trying to get to the other side. Of the meltdown. Of the seemingly never-ending episode. Back to dry land where i can once again hear the laughter of my joy filled child. This reality was provided as a parting gift from the ones first entrusted with her care; effects she will have to fight hard to overcome.

Special needs in children whom have been chosen is a common thread.  Yet commonality certainly does not make the weight of the struggles any easier to bear. You want real?  This moment was real.  Her frustration (and therefore mine) was real. And so were the 1,632 other moments when she could not process the emotion of her perceived reality.  

For although i am past the age to endure the sleepless nights – trying to keep afloat from life’s other trials the enemy is attempting to conquer me with – i will not give up the fight. To be her calm. To provide the help she needs with therapy. To give her tools. To point her to Jesus. And when i fail, as a direct result of trying to do this in my own strength, i will once again surrender my illusion of control over to our Creator.  Lean into my inner circle. Who will pick me up, dust me off, get my eyes back on Jesus, and stand next to me in the fight.        

In the words of my trusted friend, i will continue to place one stitch at a time in her gaping wounds; pressing on towards the goal of creating a new reality for this priceless treasure who is worth every effort in this battle.

This is indeed as real as it gets, but i am so thankful this is not the only reality in this ridiculously hard life i call my own.  For this child of mine has taught me many life lessons i could not have learned any other way. She has instilled in me a new level of endurance. Perseverance.  To be peace in the middle of her chaos.  To see past the battle waging right of front of me; to look for the root cause which needs tending to. Wounds that need to be healed. Soothing balm and peace to be poured over. This one who makes me endlessly learn new parenting skills after 22 years of experience, also eludes joy and a smile that even captures the hearts of strangers.  Our reality will NOT be limited to moments of defeat but will expand to victory over the battles.  Alongside others waging the same war and armed with God’s Strength, the reality is – THIS BATTLE WILL BE WON.  And i cannot wait to celebrate with my child.

If you didn’t know it before, i hope you clearly see now, we are in this together.

Much Love,

TyiaLynn, Executive Director